I was born in Chile, in South America.
I had to move to Brazil when I was five years old because my father was arrested and put into prison by Pinochet’s military dictatorship. Although he wasn’t politically active, he had been a supporter of the previous president Salvador Allende and expressing any sympathy with Allende’s ideas was forbidden. My father had been in the navy since he was fourteen but when he was arrested he was thrown out. It was devastating for him because the navy was his whole life. It also made it impossible for him to find a job because when people knew he had been forced to leave the navy they assumed he’d done something wrong and wouldn’t employ him. We had to leave our home because it was soldiers’ accommodation so we went to live with my grandma. One day, military officers came to the house when my father was out, they searched everywhere for him, it was very scary. We knew then that he was going to be disappeared, as so many others had been, nobody knew where any of them went or ever heard from them again. We had to leave.
I lived in Brazil for twenty years. While I was there I studied psychology at Mackenzie University in Sao Paulo. My parents could never go back to Chile because my father had lost too much there. But I always wanted to go back and do something for my country so once I’d finished my studies I returned. I went to the North of Chile and started a project for people with autism and aspergers syndrome. In this part of the country there are no facilities, support or interventions to help children with these conditions, and many of them are undiagnosed, so we had to start from scratch. We helped anyone who needed it, regardless of whether they were wealthy enough to pay. We applied for a lot of government funding and finally won a grant to open a school.
Having set up the school and recruited a head teacher who I trusted, I returned to Santiago. There I set up my own practice as a child psychologist specialising in autism. I was so happy with my private practice. Sometimes I dream about having my own school again. But on the other hand, working one-to-one is really rewarding because you can see the progress of each child.
In 2007, while I was living in Santiago I got back in touch with my old boyfriend Roberto, who had moved to Australia and then to England. We started our relationship again and I tried to convince him to come back to Chile but he didn't want to because his family had been persecuted by Pinochet’s regime. He had been tortured and his sister was disappeared. Also, he had lived in England for more than 20 years and built a career here so it wouldn't make sense to start from scratch again.
At this point, although Pinochet had just died, my country was still divided. This was clear to see when Pinochet died because half of the people were celebrating and half of them were crying. There was a lot of confrontation in the streets between those who supported and those who hated Pinochet. I was happy he was dead but it was also sad because he never went to jail for all the awful things he did, the people he tortured, those who were disappeared. I don’t understand why he tortured people. I will never understand this. You can put people in jail, you can interrogate them, but torture is…nothing, nothing in my opinion can justify this. So many people were so damaged by the torture he inflicted on them. I can’t even read books about what happened because I start and I can’t finish. It’s too much…It’s too close because of Roberto, because of my father.
Roberto couldn’t go back to Chile, because it was painful for him. l so I came to England to see what it was like here before deciding to make it my home. But when I became pregnant my mind was made up because family is very important to me. I left everything to come to England, my family, friends, my country, but I did this to be with Roberto because I love him. I like a lot of things in this county, but if it was my decision alone I would never leave Chile. I am still in love with my country and I will always be, its part of my identity. It was so difficult to leave. I feel like I’m in the same position as my parents who could never go back, and Roberto, who can never go back. It makes me feel so sad. Chile is a beautiful country, there are so many good things. It’s not the fault of the people that there’s all this division. I think people in England don’t appreciate what they have, they’re always complaining about what’s wrong with England.
What I really want is to do now is to practice psychology again as this is my strongest strength. I feel there is a lot bureaucracy and that there’s so much regulation around the psychology profession here and no one to tell you what to do. I was so depressed until I found Refugee and Migrant Network. My life changed because I thought oh yes, I can do something here.
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